A child's drawing of the "Dad Olympics"

The image above is called "Dad's Olympic Gymnastics" by the young artist who created it on a paper placemat.

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But What Do We Tell the Children?

Tim Graves, M.S.Ed.

 

Note:  I originally wrote this piece for the families of children in my child care program after the start of the Gulf War.  I later updated it the morning after the Oklahoma City bombing.  Perhaps, as we face the reality of the attacks today it can also provide some guidance in talking with young children.  TG 9/11/01 

Additional Resources are posted at the end of this article.  You can click here to look at them immediately. TG 1/5/02

I listened in shock and disbelief as I drove home last evening. I went through moments of intense anger and sadness as I listened to the news. When I got home and saw the scenes on the television, it was worse than I had imagined. This morning, the photograph on the front of the Times Union brought the feelings of fear and sadness back to the surface.

But what do we tell our children?

We must help our children to feel secure, first and foremost. We must reassure them that we will do everything in our power to protect them. Remember that routines are reassuring to children.

We listen. We empathize with our children's feelings. "Yes, it's very scary to hear about children being killed. You feel afraid that you, too, could be hurt."

We admit to our feelings without overwhelming our children. They depend on us to be in control enough to care for them. The feelings of helplessness and powerlessness that you and I feel are only magnified for our children.

We do NOT let them view graphic television images of casualties.

We keep our explanation appropriate to the child's age. We must keep our answers as simple as possible, not giving more information than he or she is asking for.

We are open and honest with children. We listen to both their words AND actions. Sometimes children will act out or seem distant or act unusual in other ways. We must try to hear their actions and provide extra reassurance. Perhaps in the form of touch or positive comments.

We continue to stress to our children that resolving problems should be done without hurting other people. We need to focus on pro-social, positive ways of dealing with each other.

We pray for all children and their families.

©Copyright, 1995 Timothy R. Graves. All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com

Other useful resources and sites:

Parenting for Peace & Justice Resources for parents and children

Teaching Tolerance Resources for parents, teachers, and children

National Association for the Education of Young Children Helpful article and links for parents.

Children's Defense Fund  Several resources for talking with young children

Bright Horizons A thorough list of resources both onsite and linked to help families.

War & Peace Page A collection of resources for parents and teachers