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The following
are four major influences on the learning of values and morality by young
children.
 Models.
Adults and other children who are important to the child provide a model
for behavior and action. We need to show children what we expect through our
actions and when we fall short, we need to help children see us work through
the process of reconciliation. (See the next page.)
Cultural Values.
Culture by definition provides the rules for living. We are a part of
multiple cultures and subcultures. In the United States we have a dominant
American culture as well as many subcultures that provide rules for living.
The rules between the culture and subculture do not always match. When they
don't match we need to talk with children in a way that they can understand
about those differences.
Community.
The African proverb, "It takes a whole village to raise a child" is true.
Parents can not--and do not--raise children by themselves. When we pretend
that we can, we set ourselves up for failure and children who make immoral
choices.
Teaching.
Values and morality must be taught; they don't just happen. The teaching
must be meaningful and appropriate for the child's age and level of
understanding. In general, children need simple ideas and rules that make
sense to them.
When a child does something wrong. What do you do?
The Process of Reconciliation.
Transgression
An immoral act or wrong provides a "teachable moment" when we have an
opportunity to help the child to grow in his or her understanding and
comprehension. Adults who look at the wrong as an opportunity—a real
gift--for learning will be the most effective in teaching values and
morality.
Learning
Teaching can occur here. We must use strategies that work with the child
based on age and level of understanding. We cannot expect an
eighteen-month-old, for example, to understand the implications of taking a
candy bar in the check-out line at the grocery. An eight-year-old, however,
can be expected to understand the implications.
Admission Of Wrong
This is a crucial step and is often frustrating to parents because they
cannot make the child admit wrongdoing. This must come from the child and
may take several transgressions, hours, or days before the child "gets it".
Making Amends
The child who has admitted wrongdoing, needs to "make it right." This should
not be done until the child feels remorse and admits wrongdoing. Making the
child say, "I'm sorry" when he or she is not, only teaches the child to lie.
Making amends should feel mutually appropriate to both the child and the
offended person.
©Copyright, 1998, 2005 Timothy R. Graves. All Rights
Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young
children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this
copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and
knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing
Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue
Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com.
Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com
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