|
I admit it. I
am a latecomer to Nanny 911 but in fairness you have to know that my
eighteen year-old and twenty year-old harassed me mercilessly when they
found out I had watched several episodes. It is tough having outspoken kids.
As I watched Nanny 911, I had both personal and professional reactions. In
this column my primary concern will be my professional reactions but I gotta
say “Nanny Central” made me laugh. Why don’t they just call it Nanny 007 or
Charlie’s’ Nannies? I watched three different episodes: Nanny Deb at the
Dunleavy home where screaming seems to be an Olympic event and the children
even spit on Nanny Deb; Nanny Deb with the Paul family where mom did too
much for the children and dad was an observer; and Nanny Stella at the
Lorimor household, headed by an ex-nanny and a marine.
Once I got over the reality show gimmicks and the cutesy outfits, I was
impressed that the vast majority of the advice given to families seemed to
have a sound basis in child development research and theory. In each of the
episodes that I watched, the nanny outlined clear, understandable rules that
children and adults were expected to follow and enforce. The rules are
specific for child behaviors and also address areas for parenting growth.
For example, Nanny Stella gave the following rules to the Lorimor family:
Rule # 1 No hitting or biting
Rule # 2 Respect: everyone in the house needs to listen to each other
Rule # 3
Responsibility: parental duties need to be shared evenly
Rule # 4
Consistency: Parents need to work as a team. Mixed messages confuse the
children.
Rule # 5
Set boundaries. It is essential that limits are established. Children should
be congratulated when they behave and disciplined when they misbehave.
Notice that the rules are specific where they need to be while also dealing
with the underlying issues. Hitting and physical aggression were an issue
for the boy in this family, hence the first rule. Unclear guidelines for his
behavior and a lack of listening within the family also contributed to his
misbehavior and so Nanny Stella addressed parenting consistency in her other
rules. While we all know that both parents will never completely agree on
every parenting issue it is clear that an ex-nanny who gives the children
carte blanche and a marine who orders the children around puts the children
in a confused state about how to behave. Some middle ground is required.
Nanny Deb addressed the issue of giving in to the children when she
intervened with the Paul family. In this family, mom’s guilt when the
children cry or express frustration with tasks and her sense of what “a good
mom” does for her children prevent her from insisting that the children take
responsibility. In one scene the little boy is on the floor throwing a
tantrum and Nanny Deb helps mom remain strong. As a parent, this is not an
unfamiliar challenge to me and probably not to most parents. None of us want
to see our children unhappy and yet unhappiness is a part of every
child’s—every person’s—experiences.
Beyond just being consistent and tough with children the nannies exhibit
compassion and warmth for the children. The message that they send to the
families seems to be to insist on a code of behavior while expressing
unconditional love to your children. In a particularly humorous scene for
the viewer, Connor Dunleavy leaves “go home” notes all over the house for
Nanny Deb. Rather than reacting to the notes in a hostile manner, Nanny Deb
calmly left Connor her own notes and found an opportunity to listen
empathetically to his anxieties and share her own similar experiences as a
child.
Nanny 911 makes for some interesting television viewing but despite the
generally sound advice, I am concerned that the families may not be given
enough support for their new beginnings toward better behavior. Each nanny
spends only seven days with a family and at the end of the show we are to
believe that the family will live happily ever after, if not now, very soon.
The problem is that changing child and adult behaviors is tricky business.
Even changing a simple habit, typically takes three weeks. Changing
parenting and child behaviors in a relationship as complex as a family can’t
be fixed in seven days. Perhaps, Fox TV provides families with ongoing
support following their new beginnings in each episode. I hope so.
©2005 Timothy R. Graves. All Rights
Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young
children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this
copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and
knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing
Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue
Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com.
Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com
|
