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Emma walked into the room with a scowl. Her
hair was disheveled, her face was contorted and her eyes still had the telltale
signs of sleep in them. She looked fatigued and I was afraid. I recognized
that look; that was the look of a toddler who would bite.
While biting especially among toddlers in group
settings is age-appropriate, it remains a major frustration for educarers and
parents of toddlers. Peruse the program of many early childhood conferences and
you will find at least one workshop on the toddler behavior of biting. Why do
toddlers bite and how can adults prevent it?
Why do toddlers bite?
It is useful to understand why toddlers bite
before seeking to change the behavior. Unfortunately, since toddlers
(approximately one to three year olds) have limited language and few of us can
read minds, we can only make an educated guess as to why they bite. Some of the
probable reasons that toddlers bite:
Teething.
Cutting teeth hurts. Chewing on something
relieves the pain. Toddlers are egocentric and cannot yet put themselves in the
place of others. They do not know they are hurting another. This may
explain the look of disconnect, the lack of concern, that you sometimes see on a
toddler’s face when their victim is screaming from the pain of being bitten.
Sensory Exploration.
Anyone who has spent much time with babies and toddlers knows that they put
everything in their mouths. This includes other children and adults. Biting is
sometimes a way of learning about another child. This is more likely with
babies but it is not unusual for toddlers.
Cause and Effect.
After about 8-months-old, babies and toddlers begin to mentally play with the
connection that their actions have on the world around them. "If I bite Andrew,
I hear a high pitched scream and my special adults come running to my side. I
wonder if it will happen again." seems to be in the mind of some biting
toddlers. Toddlers are learning to have an impact on their world and biting
definitely has an impact.
Mimicry.
Biting is an extremely contagious behavior. Modeling or copying the actions of
others is an important and powerful way for toddlers to learn. Unfortunately,
sometimes the toddlers learn negative behaviors like biting through experiences
with other toddlers. Any adult who has spent much time with a group of toddlers
can testify to the fact that biting is more contagious than the common cold.
Self-Assertion.
The accident report given the parent by an educarer at the end of the day reads,
"Child was bitten during a struggle over a toy." Toddlers have very limited
language skills. Consequently, biting is a way to register a complaint.
Frustration, Fatigue, Stresses.
Some children bite when they are tired or hungry. Sometimes toddlers bite when
they feel rushed or when Mom is out of town or when Dad worked late last night.
Adults need to be aware of what is happening in the life of the biting child and
take action to prevent other children from being physically hurt.
What do I do when toddlers bite?
While it is crucial to accept the premise that
biting is an age-appropriate behavior for toddlers, it is just as important to
accept that biting is not an acceptable behavior. Adults must help toddlers
control their urge to bite other children by responding quickly and firmly.
While educarers and teachers cannot promise parents that their child will
never be bitten again, they wish they could. There are, however, several
actions they can take to lessen the likelihood of children being bitten.
First, the biting child should be stopped and
told, "STOP, Billy! You may not bite
Joey. Biting hurts Joey." The adult's tone of voice must be firm but should not
simply be louder than normal. The tone of voice should be unique to incidents of
biting thus commanding attention from the children when it is used. Stop is a
better word than no, because it is descriptive of an action and sometimes the
toddler will stop—if only momentarily—until the adult reaches the toddlers
involved.
At the same time that the adult speaks, the
adult should act. Ideally, one adult
steps in to help the victim while another stops the biting child. Where this is
not possible, the biting child should usually be dealt with first. This is
because discipline for toddlers is most effective when it occurs immediately
after the unacceptable action. The biting child should be removed from the
situation. Depending upon the reason or reasons for the biting, the separation
may be in the form of redirection, "time-out", or simply meeting the biter’s
need. For example,
·
If the biting occurred because of
Self-Assertion, the biter needs assistance in learning appropriate ways
to express him or herself.
·
If the biting occurred as a form
of Cause and Effect exploration, the biter needs multiple and
numerous opportunities to affect her or his world.
·
If the biting is the result of
Frustration, Fatigue, or Stress the educarers and parents need to work
together at adjusting the context in which the toddler lives. If the classroom
is too overstimulating, ways to lessen that stimulation need to be put in
place. If the child is tired, ways to give the child more sleep need to be
implemented.
Adults never bite children because of the
powerful influence of modeling on toddlers.
Just as this contagious behavior can be learned from other toddlers, it can be
learned from adults. While it is true that biting a toddler may stop the
behavior in the short term, adults who bite toddlers send a clear message that
biting is an acceptable behavior—as long as you are bigger and stronger.
How can I prevent toddlers from biting?
Preventing biting before it happens is better
than dealing with it after it occurs. Consequently, adults should carefully
observe the moods and needs of toddlers. When a child is exhibiting low
tolerance for frustration, or when a child has a history of biting, or when a
child is teething, adults must pay especially close attention to the
potential-biting child. When Emma in the example from above arrived in my
classroom, I knew that she was likely to bite and I shadowed her closely.
Because I knew that she was likely to bite in tight spaces, I temporarily
removed the cardboard box the children played in as a way of eliminating a
bite zone in my classroom.
In shadowing the toddler who is likely to bite,
the adult must be visually aware of where the child is and whom he or she is
near at all times. The adult may need to stay physically close to the child.
Additionally, biting can be discouraged through the encouragement of language.
Words such as "mine" while tiresome to adults are very useful and important
tools for toddlers. They allow the toddler to express wants without inflicting
pain on peers.
Specifically, what can I do?
Remember that biting is normal no matter how
repulsive it is to you as an adult.
From the toddler's perspective, it can serve a similar purpose as an older
child's shove or push.
Make it clear to the child that biting is never
acceptable. Save a special tone of
voice just for biting. By doing so, children are more likely to listen to your
voice.
Observe, observe, and observe what is happening
in your classroom or home. When is
the child who has bitten before most likely to bite? Avoid tempting him or her
to bite again. If the biting always occurs shortly before lunch, perhaps have
the toddler help you with going to the kitchen to get lunch. As a director, I
often helped the educarers by taking the stress biter out of the room during
stressful times. This eliminated bite times and helped the potential
biter to de-stress.
Shadow severe, consistent "biters".
Assign one adult in the classroom to be with two feet of the historical biter
at all times until biting has ceased. This may take several days but the results
will be well worth the effort if you get a biting epidemic under control.
Financially, directors who see the big picture and the likelihood of losing
families due to a biting epidemic, actually save money by temporarily providing
toddler classrooms with extra adults during outbreaks of biting.
Model for toddlers the behavior you expect.
Never ever, bite a child so that "they will know how it feels."
Toddlers who are bitten by adults learn that biting is acceptable if you are big
enough and if no one is present to punish you.
If you are an educarer, talk to parents about
what is happening.
Parents deserve to
know that your classroom is having a biting problem. They will want to know what
steps you are taking to solve the problem. Remember, however, that it is the
educarer’s job to deal with the biting problem. Parents cannot fix a problem
that occurs when they are at work.
If you are a parent, talk to educarers about
what is happening. Educarers need to
know what is happening with your child so that they can deal with problems. If
your child is biting at home, letting educarers know will help to prevent biting
at school. If your toddler is dealing with stressors that may affect his or her
behavior, this information is also helpful to the educarer.
If you are an educarer or program staff member,
keep the name or names of biting children to yourself.
Parents are emotionally involved with their own
children. Some parents have been known to denigrate the biting child if they
know who it is. Sometimes this parental reaction is intentional but more often
it is unintentional.
Provide activities or equipment that responds to
the reason biting is occurring. If
Suzy is biting because she is teething, provide her with appealing teething
rings. If Suzy is biting because her mother is out-of-town, provide her with
extra nurturing and watch for potential problems. If Suzy is biting as a way of
exerting herself, teach her words she can use instead.
I planned to have my son photographed on
Saturday morning. As I walked down the hall to pick up my son at the end of my
day on Wednesday, I saw Janelle, his educarer. She had that look on her face.
It was not a good look; I was afraid. Janelle said, “I was just coming to see
you. Celia gave Isaac another hug and kiss today.” I knew what that meant,
Celia and Isaac were great friends but her hugs and kisses always seemed to
include teeth. Janelle and I discussed the actions she was taking in her room
to prevent the biting but Celia was just a little too quick for her this time.
We went ahead and had that photograph taken. Isaac was adorable with a huge grin
on his face and with a kiss in the middle of his right cheek.
To discuss this article and the
topic of biting with the author, visit http://tw4ece.blogspot.com
©Copyright, 1993, 2004 Timothy R.
Graves. All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and
families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and
this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and
knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing
Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at
1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to
timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be
found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com
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