A child's drawing of the "Dad Olympics"

The image above is called "Dad's Olympic Gymnastics" by the young artist who created it on a paper placemat.

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Allowing Children to Feel

Tim Graves, M.S.Ed.

 

The December rushing is over. And I spent several days feeling quite homesick. I felt lethargic and was quieter with my family.

I knew that the feeling was part of the transition away from my friends and family in St. Louis to new friends in the Northeast. As an adult I knew that my feelings are part of the grieving process and will not last forever. My wife and children did not panic because they knew that I would not be sad forever.

My daughter seemed homesick several weeks ago. I tried to cheer her up. "You're okay!" "Look at all the new friends you've made." When she didn't begin smiling, I pushed, "You have a lot to be thankful for." I made silly jokes. I was uncomfortable that she was not happy. I felt guilty that I'd dragged her, against her will, over one-thousand miles from everyone she knew and loved. I was a "bad dad" for sure.

We feel sad sometimes; so do our children. We usually accept this in ourselves but not as often in our children. T. Barry Brazelton writes,

"All children are sad now and then and go through periods of being depressed. At such times, they need extra comfort and love. If their feelings are due to the usual, inevitable disappointments of childhood, the sadness will be short-lived." (Touchpoints p. 239)

Sadness is part of the human experience. For 1995, I have challenged myself, and I challenge you now, to be more accepting of our children's feelings. When a child is sad at separation from a parent, I will say "You wish Mommy or Daddy could stay." rather than "You're O.K." When a child expresses anger because I won't let him climb on furniture, I will say "You really want to walk on the back of the couch. I won't let you because I don't think it is safe." Rather than "If I told you once, I've told you a million times..." And when I accidentally ignore a child's feelings, I'll admit I'm human and try to do better next time.

©Copyright, 1995 Timothy R. Graves.  All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com