A child's drawing of the "Dad Olympics"

The image above is called "Dad's Olympic Gymnastics" by the young artist who created it on a paper placemat.

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Being Human in Front of the Kids

Tim Graves, M.S.Ed.

 

I struggle with my roles as a parent, husband, teacher, and director. Those who are close to me know that this struggle has been particularly volatile over the last couple of months. I have been unhappy with my performance at home and work and struggling to reach some level of equilibrium in my life.

While discussing my feelings of parent-failure with Joan Lawson, the Chair of the Early Childhood Department at Hudson Valley Community College, she told me that she had read that our children need us to make mistakes so that they will know how to live in the real world. I was taken by this statement; it makes a lot of sense to me. Since I am an imperfect parent-spouse-teacher-director, I also find this very reassuring.

Our children naturally look to the adults around them as models for behavior. If we are perfect (or pretend to be because none of us are), our children are left with the impression that anything less than perfect, should be hidden.

  • If we argue and resolve issues with our spouses in front of our children, they learn that anger is normal and acceptable in loving relationships.

  • If we cry in front of our child, they learn that sadness is normal and acceptable.

  • If we express excitement and joy in front of our children, they learn that happiness is normal and acceptable.

  • If we express confusion when faced with a problem, our children learn that answers to life's questions are not easy and that confusion is normal.

  • If we problem-solve with our children, our children will learn how to problem-solve.

  • If we support our children and spouses during difficult times or with difficult decisions, our children learn that families are a place of loving support.

  • If we take care of ourselves (rather than playing the martyr), our children learn to value themselves.

  • If we admit our mistakes, apologize, and vow to do better, our children learn that mistakes are normal and expected.

I will undoubtedly continue to struggle with my roles as parent, husband, teacher, and director but now I know that not only is it perfectly acceptable to be imperfect but that my imperfection is good for my children. Please join me in being human.

©Copyright, 1996 Timothy R. Graves. All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com