A child's drawing of the "Dad Olympics"

The image above is called "Dad's Olympic Gymnastics" by the young artist who created it on a paper placemat.

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Discipline Must Be REAL

Tim Graves, M.S.Ed.

 

Appropriate and effective discipline, or guidance, requires four basic adult attitudes. Those attitudes are outlined in this document. It is intentional that the acronym used for these components is "real". REAL discipline is intended to imply a genuine, direct, honest, and clearly communicated style of child guidance. When a disciplinary technique or situation is not working for the adults or the child, one or more of the following REAL components are not being met.

Discipline must be:

Respectful of the child as a unique human being with unique personality traits, feelings, interests, and learning styles who is striving to learn the ways of his or her family, culture, and society. An important part of respect is relationship. Children respond best to people with whom they have a two-way relationship, to people who love and like them for who they are, to people who are honest with them, and to people who have a genuine interest in their well-being.

Empathetic to the child in his or her struggles and journey toward adulthood. Adult rules, perspectives, and pressures often do not make sense to children. Adults who not only focus on their own expectations of children but who have empathy for each child can individualize behavioral learning experiences with results that are more desirable for both the adult and the child.

Appropriate for the child's age and for who the child is as an individual. A knowledge of child development is crucial to understanding what is reasonable to expect of a child; a knowledge of who the individual child and his or her unique qualities is equally crucial to understanding what is reasonable to expect of a child. Adults with child knowledge--development and individual--have the least number of discipline issues.

Looked at as a Learning Experience for the young child. When a child does not behave, as adults would like, a learning opportunity is presenting itself. The adult's attitude or approach is quite different when misbehavior is viewed as an infraction as opposed to when it is viewed as a mistake. Infractions or violations must be punished swiftly and harshly often leading to anger, hostility, and children who learn to rely on others for behavioral controls. Mistakes require adult involvement that clearly communicates to the child the expected behavior and helps the child learn from his or her mistake. Children who are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them begin the process of learning to control their own behavior.

©Copyright, 1998 Timothy R. Graves. All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com