I Wish We'd Never Come on Vacation!

(At Least I Get Paid To Be Miserable at Work!)

Tim Graves, M.S.Ed.

"I Wish We'd Never Come On Vacation! At Least I Get Paid To Be Miserable At Work!"

Those were my thoughts, if not my words, a number of years ago on a family vacation. In our family lore we refer to that particular long weekend as the "Vacation from H---!"  We have had our share of "stress-cations", "oblications", and even wonderfully, relaxing vacations through the years. A few that stick out in my mind:

The Vacation From H---! We got off the plane in Chicago, picked up the rental car, and headed straight to the Museum of Science and Industry. We spent a short time but decided we wanted to go check into the motel and swim. We returned to the parking lot and all four wheel covers were missing. And, of course, we had to pay for them. The next day the horn jammed after a particularly loud family screaming match on a hot 95 degree plus day.

Excuse Me Cockroach, May I Please Vomit? After a particularly stressful trip, we decided to stop part way back home.  My wife and I got sick at the motel and spent the night fighting the cockroaches for permission to vomit in the bathroom. Our two foster sons were fine and had been promised that they'd get to see the Space Museum in Huntsville, Alabama. We managed to see the museum quickly and then drive ten hours home without incident.

The Last Time We're Ever Going To Alabama With Jessica! On another trip to the South in a Mazda hatchback without air conditioning, my then one-year-old daughter informed us in only the way she could that car seats were an affront to her dignity. She was willing to sit in it only if she had a bottle in her mouth at all times. Pacifiers were not an option. At the time, my wife and I referred to this vacation as "The Last Time We're Ever Going To Alabama With Jessica!"

The Very Best Vacation! Many years later on a full-to-capacity return flight from Florida, my then-five year-old son Isaac spent the entire trip tossing Winnie-the-Pooh over the seat to a set of five-year old twins, reciting silly words, and with the twins making Winnie go to the bathroom. I was certainly happy to finally land at home. Isaac, however, wasn't done embarrassing me. As we're standing in the plane waiting to get off, he told the entire passenger complement about my body functions. Despite the ending, we refer to this as "The Very Best Vacation!"

How do you get from "The Vacation from H---" to "The Very Best Vacation!" Why is it that I am looking forward to my family vacation? Over the years, my wife and I have discovered a few tricks to having a relaxing trip with children.

• CAR PRIZES. These were my children's favorite "trick" when they were preschoolers. After each stop, the children receive a trinket of some sort. Prizes have ranged from a set of plastic curlers to paper and washable markers. I am amazed to this day that my now eleven-year-old and thirteen-year-old can find the most inane object special when it is called a "car prize."

• FREQUENT STOPS. At least every couple of hours a chance to stretch has always helped. We sometimes carry a ball and play catch. In the rain, we once stopped at a truck stop in Southern Indiana while two and one-half year old Jessica used a napkin to wash the shelves. Let's face it, a lot of truck stops could use a good cleaning.

• CARRY SNACKS. Even without a minivan an ice chest with drinks and snacks has always been well-worth the space it takes up. Keeps the driver going if everyone else falls asleep, too. Every once in awhile as the children have gotten older I lose touch with reality. Last summer, with a spotless new car heading down to the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia from upstate New York, I thought we should have no snacks in the car. Well, by the time we made it to New Jersey my wife and both kids were ready to mutiny if I didn't "chill out" about my new car.

• CLEAR CONSISTENT RULES. Everybody goes to the bathroom every stop. No choices. (Yes, at 11 and 13 they still complain when I insist but they comply because they simply can't stand to hear that long-winded lecture I give.)

• DON'T PUSH. The family stamina has to be gauged. With children it is better to stop while you're having fun instead of waiting until everyone is exhausted. At my daughter's first baseball game we left after the second inning. She had had enough; We go knowing we may leave early.

• DECIDE ON THE "HAVE-TO'S". At Disney World, we started the day by each family member stated what one thing they had to see before we left. We made sure we did those first. Everything else was icing. This also works when we visit our family and friends. And remember, adults get their "one thing", too.

• VACATION MONEY. This is always my children's personal favorite. A set allotment for the trip for their souvenirs. Sometimes the adults get one, too. A few years ago we tried a variation on this theme: we gave them one dollar for each state we entered. They liked that, we liked it because it paced their money, and it didn't hurt their sense of geography, either.

• PERSONAL SPACE. We allow the children to carry what fits in a back pack, a pillow, and a stuffed toy in the passenger compartment. Since this constitutes the toys for the trip, we now check to be sure that there are enough toys. On one trip my daughter convinced my son to fill his bag with her overflow dolls. He had no toys with him for two weeks. Guess who suffered the most?

• BRAIN QUEST. Available at most book stores and discount houses, Brain Quest is a fun trivia game for school-agers in the car. Questions are by grade. It, too, can get dull but it beats children smacking each othere in rush hour traffic in a strange city.

• MUSIC. Before leaving we let the children pick tapes they wanted to bring. A point comes, however, when Raffi, or as the children have gotten older Third Eye Blind, has to be turned off. Bring some music for yourself or invest in ear phones.

• PAY THEM ATTENTION. Admit it, sometimes you just have to go in the back seat and sit with the kids. You can't nap if they're screaming anyway. 

• GIVE CHILDREN A SENSE OF CONTROL. Let them help make decisions. If you want to make a two-hour stop at a museum, describe a couple to them that you're willing to go to and let them choose.  

• BEFORE YOU GO INVOLVE THE CHILDREN. Let them help you decide on the trip.

• RELAX. The problem with that "Vacation from H---" was that the ADULTS were tense. By our attitudes and unrealistic expectations we created the problem.

• LAUGH. Truthfully, it's all pretty funny. On a recent trip my daughter and I spent an hour and a half talking in high pitched voices pretending to be "doobies" and making up the most bizarre stories about the cars and people travelling past us. One of the cars that whizzed past us we decided had kidnapped the little mermaid. We called out the crew of the Enterprise to rescue her, and...well, you just had to be there but we really, really laughed a lot.

These are some of the things that have worked for my family and we've learned a lot since the "Vacation from h---!" We're considering doing vacations professionally we enjoy them so much.

©Copyright, 1998 Timothy R. Graves.  All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com