When Did He Learn To Use a Dictionary? 

Reflections on the first thirteen years as a parent

Tim Graves, M.S.Ed.

My daughter turned 13 this week. Jessie's a brilliant, charming, witty child--excuse me--teenager. I still vividly recall her hand closed around my forefinger and her big blue eyes staring up at me moments after her birth.

My son entered the fifth grade last week. Tonight Isaac sits at the dining room table doing his homework using a dictionary. I am amazed at his skill and perseverance in completing his work. I still remember my paternity leave when he and I lay on his baby blanket on the living room floor in the heat of a summer afternoon. He slept. I stared at the miracle of my two-month-old baby.

I began a new lifestyle this fall. I see my son off to school. I leave the community college between the classes I teach to pick Isaac up and take him to his piano lesson. I remember last year when I rarely saw my children. My workaholism--my disease--was out of control. I was amazed at my unhappiness and my family's unhappiness.

I began a new lifestyle this fall and I'm happier and my family is happier. And yet, the temptations of my disease--my workaholism are strong. I see "opportunities" for doing just a little bit more in my church, at the community college, and in my neighborhood. I am afraid of slipping back into my old patterns; it would be so easy.

• But when did he learn to use the dictionary?

As I pause at my daughter's thirteenth birthday to look at my growing children, I realize I didn't make it to the cover of Time magazine before my thirtieth birthday as I'd planned. And yet, I am somehow content. The important events in the last thirteen years are the ones that did not advance my career. The times we sang Take Me Out to the Ballgame in the car, the times we cheered at the little league games, the hugs, the one-million times I read Dr. Suess's Marvin K. Mooney, the "inside" jokes that only the four of us in my family understand, my daughter's baptism, my son's fascination with birds, and even the sad times when pets or other family members died are not events that advanced my career. They were events, however, that I experienced with my children during the first thirteen years and served as a kind of antibiotic that can keep my workaholism at bay.

• But when did he learn to use the dictionary?

I must have been working when Isaac learned to use the dictionary but I'll be ready and waiting to watch him use the thesaurus.

©Copyright, 1997 Timothy R. Graves.  All Rights Reserved. Permission to reproduce for use with parents and families of young children is granted provided no financial gain is involved and this copyright notice is included. Mr. Graves would appreciate any feedback and knowing how and when you use this document. Please let him know by writing Training Wheels for Early Childhood Education at 1981 Decatur Avenue Wheeling, WV 26003 or sending an e-mail to timgraves@trainingwheels4ece.com. Additional articles and handouts can be found at www.trainingwheels4ece.com